All The Things She Said
by AllynDupe
Summary: Rikku is shot back by Yuna's negative reaction to her confession of her love for Paine, unsure of what to do. However, little does she know that another outrageous confession is about to be brought into the open... Lyrics c TATU.


The hot water fell from the shower head high above Rikku, as she sat at the bottom of the clean, white bath tub, her knees hugged to her chest, her eyes swimming in tears, her blonde hair drenched and hanging in her face limply...Her head spinning, accompanied by the ringing in her ears like distant alarms.

The extremely warm water ran all over her naked body, and she could feel the remorse and stupidity sitting in her chest like a bulky rock of emotion. Tender, negative emotion that seemed to threaten her very well-being, as well as the close knit relationships that were now at risk of falling apart like a building that was old and worn.

How could she have been so blind?

Rikku asked herself this every chance she got, wondering how in the world she could have even thought that Yuna would understand. They had been best friends ever since they were very little girls, five or six perhaps, but that didn't always mean that changes that take place inside them and around them would always be understanded and accepted.

She remembered easily in her mind; recalling the vivid memory from in school earlier in the afternoon, that Yuna's expression had changed so drastically. So grotesquely drastic, morphing before her voice came to aid with it's protest and disgust. She recalled how she could feel her face inflame like the hot top of a stove, and how she could feel her heart speeding like a maniac down the highway.

Her legs felt weak and fragile, almost as if they were made of thin glass, and would shatter into a thousand ugly peices if she were to try and get a hold of herself and stand up. Her chest pained and ached, and her head easily nausiated her mind, and the situation she was stuck inside of, trapped her in a chamber of blood, broken glass and hard decisions. Yuna's terribly sharp words that stabbed into her mortal flesh brought the blood, the broken glass was the remainder of the friendship she thought they shared so strongly. She wondered constantly what she was to do next, the hard decisions that wracked her unable frame were relentless and cruel.

Rikku turned off the shower, and managed to force herself into a standing position, groping for the towel that sat on the closed toilet seat; the make-up she had been wearing invading her eyes from it's collide with all the hot steamy water.

After clearing her vision, Rikku hesitated walking towards the obviously foggy mirror. For some strange and awfully frightening reason, she was unsure of what and who she would see staring back.

_I'm in serious shit,  
I feel totally lost.  
If I'm asking for help,  
It's only because, being with you,  
Has opened my eyes.  
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?_

Rikku wiped a hand across the smooth, crystal like surface of the mirror and looked at the creature staring back. Her make up ran down her cheeks like spilled oil, her eyes looked red and irritated from the crying.

Her hair, normally a bright, cheery blonde that shone like the sunlight and felt soft and healthy, was darkened by all the water and now appeared to be a deep yellow, almost black or brown.

She ripped her eyes from her reflection, placing her hand on the doorknob and turning it, giving her leave from the smothering bathroom that was smouldering with steam and heat.

The hardwood flooring of her hallway was extremely cold on her wet, bare feet, as she made her way a short distance to her bedroom, where she could proceed to get dressed in some fresh clothes, re-apply her make up, and possibly continue her day feeling just a tad better.

However, even after doing all these things, Rikku felt as though her mind was buryed in trash. Wandering a lonely like a person on the street at night, no where to go and nothing to believe in.

But there was still iher.../i

The questions collided and fought with eachother. Could she ever really go back to her, knowing what Yuna thought about it all? Her minds eye overlooked all her mixed up thoughts that acted like a bunch of bumper cars; trying to decide which one was the justified thought. The one that was proper, and right and that would make her feel true happiness. The thought that showed the way to the right path.

To Rikku, Paine was down that path. Paine had been down that path when they had first gotten together a little more than a year ago. She had been down that path before they had gotten together. And, Rikku felt with a strange, bittersweet feeling, that she would be there in the future as well. Yuna hadn't reacted well to her confessions of their feelings for eachother. Her mind shoved her unwillingly, kicking and screaming, down memory lane, as she removed a raggy, dark colored sweater from her closet that belonged to Paine; Iron Maiden, "Fear Of The Dark." It was tattered and torn and old, but it somehow always and often brought her comfort and security whenever she felt the need to have sanctuary and relief from the cruelty of the raging world all around. The flashback began, as she slumped against her closed bedroom door...

_I keep asking myself,  
Wondering how.  
I keep closing my eyes,  
But I can't block you out.  
Wanna fly to a place,  
where it's just you and me.  
Nobody else, so we can be free._...

_"Rikku, you seem so out of it lately.." Yuna complained mildly, placing a firm and caring, best friendly hand on Rikku's shoulder._

Fretting a little on the inside, Rikku avoided the eyes of her friend as the remainder of the cheerleaders continued practicing their latest routine.

Yuna took her hand softly, and pulled her aside easily. "You can tell me what's up, you know..." Her eyes were soft and comforting like a pillow, and Yuna had always been that comfortable bed to crash and burn on whenever something bad had happened in her life. Whether it had been when she broke up with a boyfriend, lost a family member or a pet, or was even simply stressed to her limits, Yuna was there. Strong and unending, her support and friendship.

However, Rikku felt much different about this situation than any. She didn't feel like this was something that she wanted to share with Yuna. Not because she liked hiding her love for Paine, or that she didn't trust Yuna. It was just that her best friend, although wonderful and amazing, was also quite reactive like a strange chemical; she had different opinions on everything and anything, even one tiny thing could set her off in a good way, or a terrible way. Rikku bit her lip, fretting more and hesitating. Paine told her to tell Yuna at the next oppourtune time, whenever and wherever it happened to be.

"Well?"

Rikku was s unsure of what to say, and how to say it. Yuna had always been intolerable of gay people, ugly people, and almost anyone who was generally different from her. The true, superficial cheerleader type. It never seemed overly real, almost like she was faking such a hatred at times. This thought comforted Rikku, and she began to let the explanation fall from her quivering lips.

"Okay, well, I have something I've been hiding for a long time, that I wanna tell you...Only me and one other person know, and you'll completely understand why that other person wasn't you when I tell you what this is about." Rikku rambled, jumbling a few words together as she smiled nervously in Yuna's direction.

Yuna raised an eyebrow, looking at her skeptically. "Alright, go on...?"

_All the things she said,  
All the things she said,  
Running through my head,  
Running through my head.  
This is not enough.  
All the things she said._

Rikku hesitated, clearing her throat and shuffling in her still position.

Yuna's eyes didn't let up and her gaze was still constant.

"Well, it's about who I'm dating." She finally spat, avoiding her eyes and letting them wander aimlessly all around the gymnasium ceiling.

"...You're dating someone?" Her voice seemed shocked and slightly shaken, and Rikku knew it must have been because of the surprise of a secret that must have been so stealthily hidden.

"Um, yeah. And it's..." Rikku chewed on her lip, looking into Yuna's eyes and trying to see if there was sympathy or compassion present at all in her normally cheery, bright eyes. None seemed to be surfacing too easily, and she swallowed hard. It felt like rocks falling into her stomache. "...Paine."

The look on Yuna's face of one of a strong combination and mixture. Distress and sadness, combined with shock and wonder. Rikku swallowed again and continued to look for that much needed sympathy and support.

"You're dating PAINE..?!" Yuna placed emphasis on the other girls name, practically shouting it so it echoed all throughout every hollow corner of the gym, ringing in every girls ear, causing them to stop what they were doing and stare like something tromendous and ground breaking was taking place.

Rikku felt Yuna shove her backwards. slightly, and she stumbled. "You're a LESBIAN? You didn't even tell me you were interested in her!" Her words were sharp like knives, wolve's teeth, poisinous thorns. She felt in danger as the rest of the girls crowded around them, observing the scene like a preformance at the circus. Her heart raced and everything seemed to become a speedy blur.

"What's wrong with you? I can't believe you wouldn't tell me! And how could you like Paine anyway? She's so.."

............

Rikku could hear Yuna ramble on in the background like she was making a life

_changing speech to thousands of people. However, the words were unclear as the beating of her heart had all but swelled to fill her ears like a noise rattling all the way from hell itself. She felt faint and dizzy, and suddenly wished she could drop dead as opposed to sit there and face the embarassment and harassment Yuna was forcing her through. And every inch of it was bitter._Rikku brushed some hair from her ichy, aching eyes and sighed. She always felt safe and comfortable in Paine's hoodie, almost as if Paine herself was wrapping her arms around her and keeping her warm in a gentle embrace. It smelled of her hairgel, and that smell was something that always brought a stong sense of ease and security to her mind.

"Look, I don't care what you think!" Rikku finally shouted, causing Yuna's voice to cease as she stared into the blonde's burning blue eyes, that were sinking into a firey pit of dispair and sadness. Her cheeks as red and probably as hot as the sun, her eyes glaring intensely and focused. "If you can't accept that, then, go right ahead. I just thought you were better than that. And I'm done."

And, that had been the first and last time Rikku had left cheerleading practice early...

...

_And I'm all mixed up,  
Feeling cornered and rushed.  
They say it's my fault,  
But I want her so much.  
Wanna fly her away,  
Where the sun and the rain,  
Come in over my face,  
Wash away all the shame._

She got up off the floor, feeling pathetic and knowing how she probably looked just the same as her impression. She had to settle everything, once and for all. She didn't care about Yuna, it was obvious to her now that she was an insensitive bitch who could care less about her happiness and the well being of others. Someone who was like that just could not float in Rikku's mind, and so, she let Yuna and what she once called a friendship sink to the very bottom, without so much as a helping hand to bring her back up.

Then Paine crossed her mind. Their love was vivid and real, something that could not be dipicted in photographs, writing, art, or any of the sort...It was just, there. There was no descriptive words to bring ideas to the mind, nothing more than the simple fact that it was there. The love was there. The caring was there. The joy was there. And of being with Paine made her feel all these things and so much deeper, she realized that Yuna was wrong. About everything. Being happy was all that mattered in the world. It was never how rich you were, or how poor you were. Or how nice you were or how mean you were, in the end regardless of which one of these things you were, you always felt dead on the inside. Rotting away at the core with viruses such as lonliness, sadness, depression, disgust, and various others infecting your body. But if you were happy; truly happy, then you had the power to become immune to all these things. You had the power to feel...iinvincible./i

Her mind was made up firmly. Rikku combed out her hair for a quick second, stared at her suddenly determind self in the reflection of the mirror, and she saw a strange beauty shining in her own eyes. Smiling, she made her way out of her bedroom, and headed for the front door. She needed to set something right. A nagging pull on her heart, as the telephone rang briskly. Nearly jumping out of her skin and not caring to check the caller ID, Rikku picked up the phone and pressed it to her ear.

_When they stop and stare; don't worry me.  
'Cause I'm feeling for her,  
What she's feeling for me.  
I can try to pretend,  
I can try to forget,  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head.  
_

"Hello..?"

"Rikku...I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me today. I was just so shocked, and well..."

Suddenly Yuna's voice came into her mind, spilling apologies like rain from rainclouds. Rikku didn't even want to hear it.

"Don't call me, okay? I don't wanna hear it.."

"But, Rikku, you don't understand there's something I need to tell--"

"I'm going to Paine's. I'll see you around." And on that final note, the phone was hung up and Rikku continued walking to the door. She was unsure of why she even let it slip that she was heading to Paine's, then Yuna could simply call her there and continue with her lies and apologies. All three girls had been friends all through their childhood, living quite literally six or seven houses away from eachother. She slammed the door behind her and started in a brisk walk down the road. She needed to be with Paine, feel her embrace, taste her lips and cease the raging in her head and heart.

Her feet skidded along the sidewalk with immense speed that wasn't entirely a run. And then, she saw someone running toward her in the far distance...Her brown hair bounced around her shoulders as she ran faster than a cheetah, only to stop right in front of Rikku, looking out of breath and immensely upset. Yuna. "R-Rikku." She stammered.

Rikku sighed, feeling flustered, bothered and frustrated. "What is it?"

"Don't go over to Paine's, please..." She almost begged, as she gasped for breath and stared strangely into Rikku's eyes. i"Please..."/i

"Why not? I know I might be acting like a bitch, but, I love her. And she loves me. That should be all that matters to you, Yuna, that I'm happy! You're my best friend, and--"

"That's not it, Rikku, you don't get it." She continued, finally beginning to catch her breath and speak without her voice trembling as much. "I want you to be happy, I just need it to be me making that happen. I love you, Rikku. Paine doesn't deserve someone like you. I need you, please...That's why I over-reacted so much today, I was so shot back and just..." Her eyes shimmered with incoming tears. "I'm so sorry. Please don't be with her..."

Rikku bit down hard on her lip. So hard in fact, that she could taste the almost metal like flavour of blood. She was so shocked, she could feel her heart pumping blood much too fast for it's own good. Where in the world did that come from? And why? For once couldn't there be a perfect happy ending?

_All the things she said,  
All the things she said,  
Running through my head.  
Running through my head.  
All the things she said,  
Running through my head.  
This is not enough.  
All the things she said...¸_

"Yuna, you..." She didn't even know what she was supposed to say. The clouds rolled around above their heads, the cold breeze drifted around their bodies sending chills every which way and goosebumps to invade. "You can't do this. No. I'm sorry, I love Paine...You can't just..." Feeling flabbergasted and stricken with unbearable shock, Rikku looked once more into Yuna's saddening eyes. Her heart was rotting. It was her fault. But was she supposed to just stop being in love because of a crazy and otherwise completely spontanious confession? The answer to that was easier than two plus two. "I can't be with you. I'm taken and I'm..." She paused, swallowing nothing in her dry throat. "I'm happy. Don't try to ruin that along with my reputation."

Rikku did not look one more time into Yuna's hurt and destroyed face as she pushed past her body and made her way down the road as fast as she had begun. Her mind raged, her heart blazed, and her eyes burned. She needed now to be in Paine's arms more than ever.

"Please don't do this to me...Rikku! Wait!"

Yuna's desperate voice could still be heard wailing in the background, and Rikku couldn't bear to listen to it. She let her feet carry her faster than the wind and the rain of a monsoon, down the street in a remarkably speedy run. She felt bad but she needed to get away. It was what was right. For her and for Yuna as well.

As she made her way to Paine's house, her memories from earlier that day flicked and flashed through her head like someone changing the channels on a television. It all made sense now. Yuna's big over reaction and hurt outlook on the secret she had revealed. The way she had yelled, and flipped out, acting like it was the most important thing in the universe. Now it all pieced together like a twisted, tainted puzzle. A puzzle with oddly shaped pieces, one it had apparantly taken a long time to figure out.

Finally she slowed down, but only because of one thing and that thing alone was packed and stuffed with enough irony to stop a charging stampede. Paine had begun to walk from her house, her large stereo headphones planted on her head as she coasted up the road slowly and casually.

_Mother, looking at me,  
Tell me, what do you see?  
Yes, I've lost my mind.  
Daddy, looking at me,  
Will I ever be free?  
Have I crossed the line?_

"Paine!" Rikku shouted, beginning to move her feet towards the other girl, the taste of blood still floating in her saliva and making her want to vomit. Of course, Paine didn't hear her with the music of her iPod up on blast. However, it didn't take long for the dark haired girl to notice her lover's presence when she was tackled to the side, landing safely on one of the semi-wet, yellow-green banks of spring grass.

Paine ripped her headphones off her head like a savage, feeling frightened and startled and ambushed, ragardless of whether or not it was the person she was deeply, truly and madly in love with. "Rikku, what the hell? Where did you--"

Paine's sentance was enveloped and taken in by Rikku's lips as a kiss was suddenly brought upon Paine so quickly that she could swear her heart was going to fly from her chest like a rocket. She wondered briefly why Rikku was kissing her in public; there was plenty of people out and about in the streets and a few of them were staring. Sure, she never cared for hiding their relationship, it had always been Rikku's request. She began to kiss back, feeling the love intensify between them and feeling as if their love had grown an extent by Rikku suddenly wanting to reveal to the world how happy they were. And it was doing amazing things to her heart.

Rikku had never felt more relieved. Sure, random people were watching in disgust and surprise, and Yuna was probably viewing it as well from some distance. But she felt it was something she was finally ready to own up to; she was in love with someone. She was in love with another woman, and nothing to her had ever felt more amazing and beautiful. It had been something she had not accepted before; and that was slowly becoming evident to her as much as she hadn't even thought about that in the past.

The kiss gently ended, and Paine was smiling at her, something that didn't happen overly often. Rikku got up and helped Paine off of the soggy bank, and they joined hands and started to walk off wordless, ignoring the stares of the rediculous people all around.

Rikku didn't even make a glance backward to see if Yuna had followed, or was watching them leave while breaking down and crying. It didn't even seem important. She could feel her heartbeat as well as Paine's in their joined hands, something that made her feel the bliss of her happiness. And she was sure Yuna would someday feel it as well, it just would not be her to grant her the golden feeling. The cure for all diseases, the sunshine of every day, the glow in every smiling face...Happiness. It was unlike anything else.

_All the things she said,  
All the things she said,  
Running through my head.  
Running through my head.  
All the things she said,  
Running through my head.  
This is not enough.  
All the things she said..._

All The Things She Said//END.


End file.
